


Me and our memories

by 616CHASTAIN



Category: Marvel 616, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Minor Character Death, Post-Black Widow Hunt, buckynat - Freeform, her last name is ROMANOVA bye, winterwidow - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-03-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:54:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23266543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/616CHASTAIN/pseuds/616CHASTAIN
Summary: Three months after Leo Novokov went on a killing spree in New York and altered Natasha’s memories, she has stepped away from hero work to recover. Or so the rumor goes. With the help of Logan, James goes after Natasha. But what consequences will his actions have?
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Natasha Romanov
Comments: 4
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> An ex-twitter mutual of mine talked about this post widow hunt fix it a lot and I just had to get it out of my system.
> 
> this work is not beta-ed, all mistakes are mine.

Leo Novoko escaping his raft prison cell was need to know only and Hill got smart and resorted to only using paper files. Neither of those factors stopped the Widow from finding out that the bastard had escaped. Using the ‘extended leave’ as an excuse, she slipped under the noses of those who checked in on her and disappeared into the shadows.

Natasha Romanova was not a vengeful person and on a good day she only punished those that _severely_ needed to be punished. However, when it came to personal matters, she was not above torturing a guy and leaving him for dead. When it was about her and her past – or her mind—she was as ruthless and feral as a wolf. It was a known fact and she knew that Leo would expect James to go after him. _Oh, the surprise that was in store for him._

Crossing the pond, it took a weeks’ time to track down a doctor that had worked with Imus Champion. Leo was running out of people that were connected to the red room, so why not go to an ex-associate of the Avengers’ enemy. Surly, the good doctor knew a thing or two about the human mind, having worked with Imus and his slowly decaying body. Which mean that Novoko was still fixated on wanting her for himself. _Men and their obsessions._

⧗

As nightfall wrapped the red head in its shadows’ attempting to make her feel at home, the doctor’s upstairs light flicked on. It was one in the morning and it the past few day and taught her anything about him it was that he did not get up in the middle of the night. No. He slept like the dead.

Getting out of the car, she crossed the empty street and hurried up to his stoop. The lock was easily picked, and she was soon slipping inside. A crash followed as she silently moved down the hall and into the kitchen. A muffled gun shot came from up stairs and Natasha whirled around as thumbing ensued. _Sick bastard having the old man run for his life._

The sound of glass crashing in the living room told her where they were but she did not move from her spot by the wall. Leo did not know she was there. Having the upper hand was not something that should be wasted. Especially not when it came to Novoko. And so, she patiently waited as she heard them struggle for a bit. Uneven footfalls moved towards her and it was like listening to an injured deer run for his life.

Everything moves in slow motion then. She’s whirling around the corner, arm lifted, gauntlet shooting twice. The bullet that comes towards her misses and as she leaps towards Novoko, anger burning in her veins she is aware of the body that collapses onto the floor like a sack of dirt. But the doctor’s lifeless body does not matter now, what matters is killing the man under her.

One would think that killing him would be _simple_ except it is not when both were trained by the same person. _Damn you!,_ she thinks as kicks and punches are blocked and dodged, falling into a rhythm that is just as beautiful as a dance but even deadlier. She curses, not the man that trained them, but the institutions that thought of using the _winter solider_ to train their puppets.

“We’re on the same team,” he grunts out, slamming her into the wall, forearm pressed against her throat. “I am not the enemy, Natalia.”

Blue eyes wild with anger burn like flame, steady and unyielding. She feels the headache increase in pain and pressure at his words, her mind, her memories are still scattered shards in her head. “No we’re not.”

A knee meets his groin and then his stomach, boot clad foot meeting his jaw as she whirls away. Blinking away the pain and the slow spinning of the room, Natasha breaths through her nose, forcing herself to focus on Leo.

“You were deep undercover with Barnes for years. I understand that but you still work for the GRU, I’m here to take you back.” He pushes himself up, cleaning his mouth of the back of his gloved hand, eyes taking in the red head. _Soon to be his._

“We are on the same side, Natasha.” The cracks are still there despite attempts made to help regain her memories. He can see them and is damned if he won’t use them to his advantage. The more her mind betrays her the easier it will be to keep her guard down. _The easier it will be to reel her back in._

Taking a few steps backward, she pushes herself to remember the truth. From experience she knows that avoiding those thoughts will not help. Avoiding those thoughts will not get her mind back on track.

_Leo did something to my mind. Barnes is a friend… partner… part of my cover.. no that’s not right… Leo is a friend… partner… no…_

Her thoughts are interrupted by a kick that knocks her down. She falls to the wooden floor with a grunt. A moment passes and she’s pushing herself back up and onto her feet, gaze catching movement rounding the corner to the kitchen. She follows without hesitation, anger burning in her veins once again.

The back-door slams shut, boots connecting with the pavement. Down an alley she follows and out on to a busy intersection. Her breathing has not changed, despite the exertion. Glancing around, she moves down the sidewalk with a few people, instantly disappearing into the crowd. He’s gone. But she’ll find him. She’ll find him if it’s the last thing she does.

⧗

After finding her apartment empty, Logan calls James, both men knowing what Natasha had decided to do. Why? Because it was the same thing that James had been planning after Hill told him that Leo escaped. Unfortunately, Natasha had moved just a couple hours faster than him. Not a surprise to either men, a disadvantage yes, but no surprise.

“Don’t tell anyone else. Hill will flip and Steve’d want to help. Clearly she doesn’t want help…”

Logan arches a brow at him, exhaling smoke from his cigar as he watches him pack. They both know what he isn’t saying.

“Hill would send in an army and Steve would want to save the day…” comes the explanation as a few clothes are shoved into a duffle. Glock is tucked into place before making his way out of the bedroom, pushing past Logan as he leaned against the door frame.

“Then why are you trying to be the hero, kid? She clearly doesn’t want help, _from anyone.”_ Despite his words, Logan knows that the kid won’t stop. He loves her too much to let her do this on her own. Even if she beats them to it, they both know she needs someone _after_ the fact.

“Anything new that comes in, anything she hasn’t found send it my way.” With that, the apartment door is closed and locked. Logan heading back to the others while James heads to the private jet waiting for him. _Hopefully I’m not too late._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always all mistakes are mine

Local brass said that it was a home invasion gone wrong, but James knows better. Posing as an investigator, he was able to get access to the crime scene and one look at it said that Natasha had been there. But so had Leo.

“Think they perp came in through the back and our poor mate here attempted to run for the front door.”

 _Wrong._ James though, casually looking around the living room as the detective went on with his theory. Broken shards of glass and a broken wooden table indicated that there had been a fight. A fight between Leo and Natasha. The poor bastard had just been trying to make a run for it.

“He was injured. Most likely on the glass.”

Glancing at the new voice, a medical examiner, Barnes suspected otherwise. Leo was in it for the hunt, which meant that he had made the man run for his life before killing him. And somewhere between those two events Natasha had made herself known.

Leaving the way he’d entered, Barnes pulled out his phone and sent Logan a text.

[SMS: anyway you can track natasha or leo? I’m about six hours behind them.]

Shoving the phone back into his pocket, he blended into the group of officers and detective around the crime scene. Police usually had access to more secure internet than a café, maybe they’d unknowingly be able to help him.

⧗

It took Natasha two more days to track Leo down. The bastard was like a rat, only showing themselves when food was around. Something must have spooked him because contact was made and all that was in the manila envelope was an address. That address lead her to where she currently is at, a warehouse by the river near the outskirts of London.

Clad in all black, her fiery red hair is the only distinguish marker. Thick grey clouds hang in the air, the cool London air stirring strands around her face. After a short pause to take in her surroundings, she heads towards the warehouse and pushes open the large door. The sound echoed through the empty interior, the smell of wet dirt and old wood surrounding her as she steps inside.

The faded yellow lights give an eerie glow and yet she sticks to the few shadows that surrounded the far edges of the warehouse.

“Natasha. Thank you for meeting me.” Leo’s voice rings out as he emerges from the far side, moving towards the middle. “I wanted to meet with you in hopes of straightening things out.”

The spy stays where she is, brows knitting as the pain in her head slowly make itself known. She knows –or at least the tells herself that she does—that he was trying to hurt her, the _reason_ behind that was still unclear. She also knows that despite the splitting headache that would bed bound a normal person; the anger she feels every time she sees him is _real_. Emotion like that cannot be faked.

“As I said before, we—”

“I know, we work together. I was deep undercover with Barnes for years...” it is then that she emerges from the shadows, footfalls silent as she makes her way towards him. The headache starts to subside, the pressure behind her eyes lessening.

“Things are just… fuzzy and confusing.” Standing close enough for him to reach out and touch her, he merely gives her cheek a light caress with his knuckles. It does not last long because two things happen almost instantly; she tilts her head away and a faint noise puts them on alert.

“Someone’s here…” she turns now towards the direction the sound had come from, moving to stand beside Leo. He tenses for a split second before a smirk curls upon his lips.

“If it isn’t her knight in shinning armor. Stop being such a coward and show yourself, Barnes.” Words are spat out, lips curling over teeth. _Oh, to finally get to kill him._

Emerging from the shadows, metal fingers gleamed under the light. He didn’t dare look at _her_ not yet. And so James moved closer, eyeing Novoko before coming to a stop about a foot from them. No one knew he was here, not even Logan and if somehow, he does not make it out, he only hopes that _Natalia_ is the one to kill him.

“You sick bastard, she isn’t some prize to be won,” reaching for Leo, the sadistic smile that crosses his lips lets the soldier know that _this, this_ is exactly what he wanted.

As they started fighting, Natasha sprang into action as well. She and Leo took turns trying –and to an extent succeeding—to land blows. Two students versus their trainer, one of many they’d had. Her headache is nothing but a dull that can easily be forgotten as she backflips out of the way. Long leg sweeping feet from under her target.

_Get him down. Lower his defenses just enough._

_Enough to surprise him._

James’ has focused his attention on her now, blocking her blows. She really was a master of disguise, her strength was forgotten by most, even him at times. Which is why he starts using his left arm more than he normally would, in an attempt to pin her and try to talk some sense into her.

“He’s still in your head Natasha…” his chest tightens as he watches her collapse onto the floor, his right hook knocking her down. If it wasn’t for her peak human abilities, he would have knocked her out cold.

Natasha pushes herself off the dirty floor on shaky arms, blinking a few times. At this point she is not sure what is causing the headache but that cannot stop her. Not now. Not when her target is _so close_.

“<You are just hurt that I was using you>” her native language rolled off her tongue as she was hauled up, vibranium whirled and tightened around her throat. And despite this, her hands remained by her sides, fingers curling into loose fists.

“Tell her the truth, Novoko. Tell her how it wasn’t a lie.” Natasha stares at the man before her, tuning out their bickering. The arm around her neck tightens but it’s a dull comparison to the splitting headache she now has.

_Leo messed with my mind. He manipulated… no… yes… he did it… he_

The knife that had been hidden up her sleeve now slid down her arm and into her grasp. She needed to time this just right or else it would not work.

“<Do you kill him or do I?>” she asks, interrupting their pissing contest. And the smile that Leo gives her is filled with triumph.

“<I need to. You know what to do.>” _You always knew what you had to do. No one ever told you._ And so, as only the Black Widow can, she moves at an almost inhuman speed. Stabbing Barnes in the leg and whirling out of his grasp in the next. She becomes a graceful and deadly blur of red hair. In the next motion she is standing in front of Leo, knife hilt deep in his chest.

“I hope you have a slow and painful death.” Words whispered as death incarnate, she shoves him away before collapsing onto her knees.

Despite there not being any blood on her hands, they shake upon her lap. Fingers curl into tight fists, the ringing in her ears won’t stop and neither will the pain in her head. Willing herself not to throw up, she dares glance to her left where James still stands. Natasha can’t form words not in that moment and maybe not in the moment after that, all she can do it look at him before sighing, shoulders slumping as she seemingly deflates.

_What happens now?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment with feedback, thank you! <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is greatly appreciated. Enjoy!
> 
> As always all mistakes are mine.

Logan replied five minutes later but by that point, James had already used the laptop in a police car to track which way Natasha had gone. Taking it with him as to not leave anything that could lead them to her, he sent one last message to Logan before tossing the burner.

Over the next two days he remained a ghost, a shadow in the night as only he could. Part of him knew that he should not try and be Natasha’s savior –he wasn’t trying to be—but another part of him cold not let her do this alone. _I cannot let her be alone after the fact._

Leaving her after killing the man who messed with her mind, in her still fragile state would be so out of character for him. Especially since he knows firsthand what it is like to have memories altered. And so, he sticks around. She can punch him for it once she’s back to herself.

By the middle of the second day, James starts to get antsy and wonder if Leo had spotted him. If that was the case who knew how long it would take for him to show himself again. The plan would most likely change and when they change on a dime, casualties are unavoidable. Luckily before the day is over, he makes contact via some poor shmuck he paid. From his position, he can tell that Natasha is only mildly revealed. The myriad of emotions makes itself known between her brows as she furrows them for a moment before destroying the piece of paper.

Early the next morning, James trails her as she leads him to a warehouse on the outskirts of London. Making is way in through the roof, he doesn’t have time to plan how he will show himself because _she_ senses him moments later.

⧗

Natasha stares at her hands for what feels like hours, but it is only mere seconds. A voice breaks through the pain in her head causing and ringing in her ears causing her to slowly gaze to her left.

“Natasha…”

She blinks again, hearing him repeat her name and its like she’s moving through molasses, slow and sluggish. But maybe that part is all in her head. Standing now, eyes flicker to his left leg and before she can ask, he’s already shaking his head.

“I’ll fine. How are _—_ we need to get you out of here.” He hesitates as she claws red tresses back against her scalp.

“I could use some food.” Her words trailed off as she glanced at Leo’s bleeding body. Surly by now he was gone but the sight alone caused the pain and ringing to come back. _It’s wrong._

A shake of her head is given, turning on boot clad feet she makes her way out of the warehouse. The cool breeze whipping bloody strands around her face, the river and industrial area giving her something else to focus on.

_Leo was the one who manipulated my mind. He did this. He wanted me for himself._

Natasha was so caught up in her thoughts that she did not react to his presence until they were in a remote café. Hands cradling a coffee cup, her attention turned from gazing out the window to the man before her. _James Barnes._

“You can talk to me, you know.” He looked down at his own cup of coffee, brows still knitted. “I do not want to make you feel like I’m forcing you.”

She could tell from the way he looked at her that he was worried, his eyes were soft despite the shadows from lack of sleep. Her own gaze dropped to the cup between her hands and for a moment she said nothing.

“I cannot do this. I cannot sort through what is real and what isn’t with you looking at me that way.” _With you looking at me full of love._ Lips press into a thin line at the hurt he tries hiding. If she was not an exceptional spy, she would have not seen the flicker of emotion upon his face.

“I _have_ to do this on my own. But please tell the others that I am okay and not to worry. If I need anything, I will let you guys know.” As much as she wanted to linger, she was not going to. The band aid had been ripped off, now it was time to walk away.

With one last sip of her coffee, she stood up. “I’ll see you around, Barnes.” Turning on booted feet, the red head made her way out of the café and back onto the London street. Not glancing over her shoulder, she missed the pained expression that crossed James’ features.

Due to not knowing what Leo had done, she couldn’t just ask Hill to help. Being put back in the chair and having her mind messed with could make things even worse, which is why as she left Barnes in the café, she decided to go about this the old-fashioned way. Forcing herself to recall events. It was not the best idea, but it was the only logical one she had. The headache and vomiting she could handle, _had_ handled them in the past. What was one more time?

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is encouraged and highly appreciated. Please let me know if you like James' POV/what he's up to at the end or if you prefer it in between Natasha's.


End file.
